On my way to work in the mornings, I enjoy exchanging greetings with my neighbors. Most of them are elderly and unfamiliar with other cultures. Still, I often follow my American customs and greet them with a cheerful, “早上好,” “Good morning.”

Other days, I’ll greet them according to their customs. When I do, an internal giggle starts to bubble because following their norms means stating the obvious.

• To the woman carrying two full bags with onion and carrot greens flopping from the top: “去买菜了.” “You’ve been out to buy vegetables.”
• To the man carrying empty shopping bags: “要去买菜吗?” “You’re on your way out to buy vegetables?”
• To the woman rushing toward the gate connecting our neighborhood to the university campus: “去上班吗?” “You’re on your way to work?”

As I near the woman who sells corn outside my office building, I start planning that morning’s greeting…just to keep her on her toes with some variety. This morning since the temperature was 20 degrees cooler than last week, I chose to greet her in true American fashion: “今天的天气很凉快!” “It’s so comfortably cool today!” Was her broad grin evidence of an internal giggle welling up over my statement of the obvious?

Mutual giggling has been a theme during my many years in China. Sometimes, though, laughter degenerates into derision when differences are seen not as endearingly unique but jeeringly unacceptable. Then, even minor differences can cause a sense of alienation when we realize people are making fun of us.

I’ve been guilty of derision much more than I’d like to admit. A true test of my respect for others is how I portray them in my mind or talk about them privately to others. My secret words and thoughts reveal the contents of my heart.

Since I can’t read my neighbors’ minds or hear what they say about me behind my back, their “test” is different. When they amiably respond to my American style greetings in kind, they pass with flying colors. Even more encouraging is when, before I utter a word, they offer a sincere and cheerful “早,” “Morning!” instead of stating the obvious about my comings and goings. Then, my returning smile broadens because I suspect their giggles are bubbling.

Photo by Simone Eufemi on Unsplash