My favorite tissue brand here in China has a lovely name. As the cover photo shows, the emoji leads consumers to add heart to heart (The first character also means “heart.”) and think of the phrase “心心相印,”¹ literally “two hearts mutually engraved,” or “kindred spirits.”

The brand 心❤️相印, Kindred Spirits, particularly stands out to a person who comes from a country where more practical (and boring?) names are often used. Kleenex. Cottonelle. Scott. Quilted Northern. Over my years in China, I’ve come to realize that contrasting brand names indicate something much deeper than a predilection for the practical or flowery.

Not so long ago, restaurants here didn’t supply napkins, and some still charge for them. Unwritten social rules suggest that the first person to get out their tissues distributes one to each person around the table before restowing the pack. Tissues are for sharing. The brand 心❤️相印, Kindred Spirits, might even say that tissues build relationships, an important aspect of Chinese culture.

The Chinese word for “relationship” is “关系.”² The meaning, however, is complex. 关系 affects every aspect of society, including how you address people and what you should and should not do and say in each encounter, all dependent on who others are in relation to you. It determines your identity in every situation.

A deeper dive into a Chinese-English dictionary reveals that 关系 also means “connections.” A Chinese saying that expresses this aspect well is “多一个朋友多一条路,”³ “One more friend means one more road (is open to you).”

Foreigners quickly learn the negative side of connections. We’ve likely all been in the uncomfortable position of feeling used. Perhaps, we thought we were developing a good friendship with someone, only to find ourselves in a “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours” situation. Then, without completely understanding how, we’re stuck tutoring their son’s niece’s friend’s neighbor’s child in English once a week.

Most foreigners here have also likely experienced the positive side of connections when someone stretched their 关系 circle and welcomed us in as kindred spirit. Perhaps, we were sick, and they brought us a bowl of porridge or dropped everything to accompany us to the hospital (or sent their son to “hold our hand”). They might have rescued us from a sticky situation. Or perhaps they acted as a barrier between us and someone inappropriately attempting to draw on 关系 to get something from us. They embody a saying in English that has long been a favorite in China—”A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Well up into my adult years, I struggled to understand this saying. Is the friend the one meeting needs or the one in need? Perhaps I was influenced by the Parable of the Good Samaritan where Jesus seems to answer “both/and.”

Trying to trap Jesus, an expert in religious law asked a question he already knew the answer to, “What should I do to inherit eternal life?” 

In Master Teacher fashion, Jesus turned the question back on the expert who responded from his area of expertise, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.”

Then, in order to justify his initial question, the expert asked a second. “Just who is my neighbor?” he queried. 

This time Jesus answered, with the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-37, New Living Translation).

Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.

“By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.

“Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’

“Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.

The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

In Jesus’ response, He turns the expert’s question on its head. “YOU are the neighbor,” He answers, the kindred spirit who shows mercy, particularly to the hurting and helpless. Yet, His both/and message covers the other side as well. “THEY are your neighbors,” He seems to say. You treat them as friends no matter if they’re like you or not, regardless of whether you like them or not. Indeed, they are your kindred spirits, especially when in need.

Although my friends in China have shown me the possibility of overcoming our natural tendencies, humans all over the world have an unfortunate proclivity to be like the priest or Levite and care only about people in our 关系 circles. We too easily convince ourselves we only need to be sheep to other sheep and not to goats who deserve our distrust. We define “neighbor” too narrowly as someone who looks like us or acts, thinks, votes, and believes like us. Although we’ve developed some skill at being neighbors to those in need, we may shy away from welcoming them into our circles as friends.

During my earlier days in China, I labored to meet the needs of my students and felt like leisure time with them and other Chinese people was even harder work. My friendships were with other foreigners who lived and believed like me. Being with other sheep was easy. Without much effort, we could stretch our 关系 circles and become kindred spirits who understood one another. Sometimes, though, we expended so much energy on these relationships that little was left for ones outside our circles. Moreover, much too often, the separation of work and friendship would lose the battle for our hearts, and our mutual support would devolve from debriefing and emoting to complaining and ridiculing the people we had come to serve.

Jesus teaches otherwise. He lives and loves otherwise. Even though He has every reason to keep us out, He stretches His 关系 circle to include us. He is a friend of sinners like us. As Prince of Peace, He also receives us as friends. Heart to heart, He takes us into His confidence. To Him, we’re not “slave to sin.” Instead, He brands each one of us “心❤️相印,” “kindred spirit.”

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1. xinxin xiangyin ↩︎
2. guanxi ↩︎
3. duo yi ge pengyou duo yi tiao lu ↩︎