On a Sunday morning here, I was listening to a recording of a sermon from an American church. The pastor had been addressing married couples and switched her attention to others in the congregation: “Children and young adults,” she said and then explained, “because not everyone is married…”

This sermon was not the first time, I’ve faced the assumption that all single people are young, not married yet, and/or longing to be married. In my earlier years in China when people heard my answer to their queries about my marital status (a typical question between strangers here), they would respond, “你还没有结婚,”¹ “You still haven’t married,” with an emphasis on the “still.”

In my home country, today is Veteran’s Day. On this side of the ocean, it’s 双十一,² Double Eleven, what has become a Black Friday style shopping day. Before the big bargains, however, November 11 or 11/11, was known as “Singles’ Day,” a time for singles to gather socially and buy gifts for themselves as a way to celebrate their 1-ness. Occasionally on the day, married folk, perhaps not understanding the point of the holiday, would commiserate with their single friends and reassure them that they too would someday find their other.

Would you like to hear the truth about many of the singles in your circles? I could use myself as an example, but then you might think I’m just an odd outlier. Instead, I have in mind twenty or so women and men of my acquaintance who live in my home or other countries. They’re not 20-somethings and not part of the “not married yet” or “longing to be married” cohort. These friends are in their 40s and 50s or 60s and 70s and have always been single.

Unlike stereotypes I’ve encountered, these single friends don’t have more time than the “married-with-children/grandchildren” cohort and may not have energy to babysit their co-workers’ children. Their lives are full because they’ve dedicated heart and soul to Kingdom work. They’re also not wasting time wishing they were part of the other cohort. Instead, they’re creating a sense of family for others, especially those in challenging circumstances.

Perhaps, because singles are sometimes forgotten themselves, my friends have a special place in their heart for those society ignores or fears. They teach in out-of-the-way places, raising up the left-behind. They offer hope to the dying and advocate for children and others who cannot speak for themselves. They mentor the new-to-the field and encourage the long-time worker who is taken for granted, often a fellow single. They coach the addict or the one everyone else avoids and love the prickly. They comfort the hurting and refresh the weary, welcome the stranger and befriend their neighbors.

And my single friends are happy, not because the Master gave them the gift of being single (as some have suggested to me), but because they choose to be content in every circumstance, single or married, with or without children, financially comfortable or more likely—because of their lives of service—living with just-enough. They’ve learned to count their single blessings. Managing everything alone, from everyday tasks to path-altering decisions, is not always easy. On the other hand, it is a blessed opportunity to press in to Jesus who was also single.

After life on this earth, fighting the fight and finishing the race, my single friends will one day be welcomed into the Eternal Family—where no one will marry or be given in marriage—with the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

1. ni hai mei you jie hun ↩︎
2. shuang shi yi ↩︎